The Twelve Practices To Thrive In The COVID-19 Moment

Or

THE S.O.S. (Sparking Operating System) Response to the COVID-19 Moment

By Jeff Bercuvitz, CEO The Sparks Center (thesparkscenter.org)

I am sure you have all seen suggestions for self-care that have been circulating. Many of these suggest generic steps that are valuable but absolutely insufficient. For example:

Stay calm and be steady

Wash your hands

Rest and get a good night’s sleep

Eat well

Get exercise and fresh air

Spend quality time with your family

Most of these are inadequate because even if they do say “focus on what you can control,” they don’t give you practices that actually help you do that, don’t do enough to help you effectively manage your energy and mood, and don’t go far enough to help you craft a good life.

I want to share with you an approach you can put into action to not only help you survive or “get through” COVID-19 but use this exceptionally challenging moment to learn how to thrive and move your life to a new level of joy, meaning, connection and impact.

I call this approach the “The S.O.S. – short for The Sparky Operating System. It is the integrated approach I have crafted over 25 years, as I have coached more than 50,000 people around the world to help them manage anxiety, steward and boost their energy, make decisions more effectively, Show Up in their lives more fully and move toward Peak Performance at work.

To make this as simple as possible, I am going to post two versions of this on my blog. The first one is a sort of “cheat sheet for Sparkers.” That is, a step by step guide of the specific practices for those of you who are already familiar with the language and approach of the Sparks Center.

I am also in the process of creating a “translated” version in plain language that could be followed by anyone, even if they are not yet familiar with the S.O.S. method or language. That version involves a bit more explanation and is not quite as snappy but hopefully it will be more broadly accessible.

WHAT TO DO AND NOT DO IN THE COVID-19 MOMENT

The first principle right now is to get clear about what you CAN control and bring yourself back to that again and again as quickly as possible – especially as you may find yourself spinning out to thoughts about the long term future. The latter is not at all helpful right now and can even lead to freak-out. I say more below about being purposeful while staying close to the present and a horizon of the net three months.

The Sparks Center response to the COVID-19 moment begins with doing what works to help you take responsibility for actively managing your own spark – the combination of your energy, happiness and sense of possibility.

The practices for this include the following. I am putting these in the order of what you would consider each day:

“THE TIPS” In the COVID-19 Era – The Twelve Integrated Practices of Sparking in the Dark

1. The “First Thing”

Do a “First Thing” activity each morning before you interact with anyone else, either in person or virtually. The aim here is “8 before 8.” That is, trying to get your Spark Number to an ‘8” before 8 a.m. Ideally, the activity should not just be a “SparkBooster” but something that will also enable you to experience one or more of your GLI Fuel Sources. The First Thing is about taking responsibility for jump starting your own spark. Not n3cessary who generally wake up at an 8 or higher. Remember to arrange a plan for your First Thing the night before. Better still to also have a back-up plan you can do regardless of the weather. You want to make this as close as possible to “automatic pilot” so you will do your First Thing most days, even if you do not feel like it when you get up. NO EMAIL OR TAKING IN OF NEWS IN ANY FORM before your First thing! Got it?

2. SparkSurfing

Remind yourself as early as possible each morning – ideally during or right after your First Thing, what matters most to you — by quickly repeating your Good Life Index Fuel Sources to yourself. Just run through the snappy names once – not a whole long description — while visualizing what you expect might be coming in your day, and then aim at SparkSurfing — creating experiences of one or more of your fuel sources on your Good Life Index out of whatever waves come to you during the course of the day.

3. Sparking It Forward Each Day to Keep The Blues Away

Get outside your own head by doing at least one thing that benefits someone outside your family at least once a day.

4. Stewarding Your Spark Number

Try to stay aware of your Spark Number throughout the day.

Do “Sandwich Scheduling” when you plan your day so you don’t let your spark drop much below a 7 for more than an hour at a time, two hours max.

Leave spaces in between tasks in your planning. I don’t like to hear anyone I coach say “It was a hard day because I just had meetings back-to-back.” Why did you agree to have meetings scheduled back to back all day long? That is not consistent with the S.O.S. Not the Sparky Way.

Whenever you come back to the awareness that your Spark Number has dropped below an 8 (on a 1-10 scale of your own assessment), no matter what you had thought or planned as your next task, you should immediately move to the top of your to do list the most readily available activity that will get your Spark Number back up to at least an 8. First, try to reach for the next highest ING on your to do list. If there is nothing you HAVE to do that is an 8 or higher, turn instead to the most readily available activity from your pre-prepared SparkBooster list.

If you do not have a current SparkBooster list — perhaps you never had one because I stopped coaching you before I started using this frame in 2018—then please start one right now. Then add to it as more ideas come to mind. Sparkboosters are activities that can reliably move you to an 8 in ten or fewer minutes. Some people have offered their examples of “listening to Pearl Jam,” “throwing something to my dog,” “doing yoga,” “listening to Rachmaninoff.” “Taking a shower,” Some people say they just like to drink coffee, use weed or drink alcohol for SparkBoosting. My preference is to be able to do it on my own without having to rely on a substance and to chooses sparkboosters that have the fewest possible and least serious possible side effects.

5. SparkSpeaking

Remember that the antidote to anxiety is gratitude, not courage. Center and calm yourself repeatedly throughout the day by SparkSpeaking to move yourself back into the Gratitude Attitude. This means that when someone asks you an open-ended question like “how are you?” you should try respond by talking about one or more of your most recent moments of GLEE (joy/meaning). Ideally speak about an experience you have not yet told anyone else about it to keep it fresh and real and present. Speak about GLEE before you talk about some bad feeling you have and absolutely speak about GLEE before you mention COVID!

6. Capping Your COVID Info Intake

Limit your intake of COVID news to no more than an hour a day. Take this info in at a time when you know you can lift your spark back up before speaking with anyone else.  As your primary source of COVID information I highly recommend the blog of my old friend Dr. Bill Rodriguez. I trust Bill a great deal on such matters.  https://covid19-insights.squarespace.com/

Do not check news or emails within TWO hours of bedtime. It is VERY important to de-compress two hours before sleep and YES, all the stuff about “getting a good night’s sleep” is extremely important.

7. Feed Your Spark Journal

Record your GLEE at least once a day. I aim at doing so three times a day. Ideally, record this in your Feed Your Spark Journal where you also keep track of your “Story Material” and your Possible Story Titles (PSTs). Tucking your best moments in your “Good Life Experience Envelope (GLEE) in this way has at least eight benefits:

The process of doing so can itself be a SparkBooster

Doing this can help you remember that you are aiming at “3 GLEE Vision” –the awareness that finding and recording three sparks a day and some story material in your Feed Your Spark Journal and doing at least one thing that benefits someone else outside your family is ENOUGH right now to consider a day a “good day.”

It can be a gratitude catalyst and help you re-orient your neural pathways back to gratitude rather than to a narrative of anxiety or insufficiency.

This practice makes it much easier to remember to engage in SparkSpeaking (see #5, above).

Having these moments listed helps you pick yourself up later in the week from inevitable moments of stress, frustration darkness.

Knowing that you are being invited to share some detail about your moments of joy and meaning can help you become more mindful DURING the moment to deepen your presence.

Having these moments written down serves as a “Blur Buster” so at the end of the week you have a sense of what you really experienced this week instead of just feeling that one week blurs into the next (as so many people tell me is true for them). This helps you move away from the sense of your life as a hamster wheel. This is especially important for those who are working right now AND homeschooling your kid(s). We all had the sense even before COVID that there was “not enough time,” now many people report to me that they feel like they are “ZOOMing through their weeks!” J

Of course recording your GLEE throughout the week also makes it much easier  “SOW it up.”

8. SOW It Up (Story Of the Week)

REMEMBER TO CELEBRATE THE BEST EACH WEEK AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE REST.

Craft a Story Of the Week –at least for yourself– to create a sense of coherence in your week. To do this take some notes throughout the week on the events in your own life.  Pay attention to and keep a running list — written down and easily findable — of the peculiar phrases, funny remarks, lyrical bits of language that cross your path during the course of the week.

Do the simple version SOWing by connecting a few of the Significant Developments of your week through a distinctive “Possible Story Title (PST) title that came to you during the course of your week like a whisper or a gift – like a Sign and a Wonder –All this towards the end of trying to REMEMBER TO CELEBRATE THE BEST AND MAKE the most of the rest Keep that in mind all week, if you can be that mindful.

For those of you who are NOT familiar with my SOWing process, you can find instructions and examples of How To SOW it Up elsewhere at feedyourspark.org.

9. Best Self

Note your best self when you do show up close to how you want to be so you can get better and better at bringing your best self into conversation with yourself when you are about to make a decision of consequence. Remember “If I were my Best Self, what would I be saying to myself right now and if I were saying that to myself, what small step would I take?”

10. The Big Give

Follow the Seven Steps Decision-Making Process (see below)

11. Three Year Think BIG Vision of Success and A.C.E. Challenge

As important as it is to keep your perspective close to the present through the practices I have shared so far, it is vital to still “Think Big and Start Small” (as I have coached people since 1986). While staying close to the present through all the above, it is also good to keep track of your “Three Year Think BIG Vision of Success” – at least those things you know you want in your life for sure three years from now.

Of course this needs to inform your A.C.E. Challenge and your other top priorities for the coming quarter. These two time frames still really matter. You can’t know what the world will look like in three years but you can and should get clear now what you hope will be true of your life three years from now because that vision should inform your immediate decisions-at least partially. It is possible and important to find ways to move closer toward what you are aiming at for your life and your work. This means your primary relationship, your family, your business or organizations, your community and our world. I want you to aim at coming out on the “other side” of this moment with even more clarity about your life, with your work in even better shape, and your key relationships stronger than ever.

At least four days a week, try to take at least one step a day toward your Big Picture Vision of Success via you’re A.C.E. Challenge for this quarter.

12. What Is Enough?

    Remember that if you are noting three sparks a day (3-GLEE Vision), tracking Story material, doing at least one useful thing a day for someone outside your family, trying to come back to your best self and taking at least a few steps each week toward your top priority for the quarter, that is enough. Remind yourself of this repeatedly so you don’t get too thrown by all the noise and all the things that do not work out the way you might want.

So much more is possible.

Copyright. The Sparks Center. 2020. All rights reserved.

THE SEVEN STEPS FOR MAKING GOOD DECISIONS

1.What’s Your Sign? Learn your own signs that tell you when you are about to make a decision. This might be as simple as “when someone is standing in front of me asking me a question,” “when I feel my neck tightening,” “when I feel my face getting flushed.” “When I hear myself saying ‘I don’t know what to do!’ or ‘I can’t decide!’” Those are some recent examples people have offered.

Becoming aware that you are about to make a decision before you make it – and this includes the decision to part your lips and allow air to pass through them in the form of speech to another person J  is absolutely foundational to effective decision-making and to thriving. Please note that choosing to talk to yourself harshly is also a decision, even if speech is not involved.

Please fill in the blank “Some of the signs I can watch for this week that I think will help me notice when I am about to make a decision are ____________________ and ______________________________.

2. Any time you become aware that you are being called (externally or internally) to make a decision,PAUSE. That means do not speak if you have the option to say nothing. If someone else is asking you something, say something like “I really appreciate your asking me that; may I get back to you with my thoughts later today?”
3. Check your spark number.
4. If your spark number is below an 8, reach for the most readily available SparkBooster.
5. When your spark number is back up to an 8 or higher — hopefully within one hour as you practice the S.O.S. (Sparky Operating System) — assess if the decision at hand might well be a “Decision Of Consequence.” That is, if it might well have consequence for your life for more than a week. If you conclude that it is NOT a decision of consequence, just make the decision quickly in any way you want; do not squander energy agonizing over it.

If you think that the decision at hand even might be a “Decision Of Consequence” and you are at an eight or higher, the key step at that point is to “Clarify The Question.” Ask yourself “If I want to make this decision, is there actually another (smaller) decision I might want or even have to make first? Do that as many times as necessary until you are clear you have identified THE question that you need to attend to next.

6. When you are clear about what question you need to attend to next and your spark number is still (or again back) at an eight or higher, you are NOW ready for “The Big Give”to yourself by running your Four Frames decision-making process. The “Big Give” is the mnemonic B-G-I-V for Best Self, Good Life Index, INGs and Vision of Success.

When you have clarified the question (and are still at an 8 or higher) ask yourself: “If I were already my Best Self of ____ (Confident, mindful, free, supportive, unlocked etc.) what would I be SAYING to myself about this situation? If I were saying that to myself, what SMALL step would I take?

This might give you clarity on the decision at hand right away. If so, great. If not, you then ask, “what decision could I make regarding the clarified question in front of me that would make it MOST LIKELY for me to experience 9 out of 10 or 10 out of 10 of the Fuel Sources on my Good Life Index as many times as I have decided I need to in order to feel like it a month is “enough” and I am on track – each of the next three months?”

If that still does not give you clarity, then you ask yourself “what decision could I make regarding the clarified question in front of me that would make it MOST LIKELY for me to get to the level of spending 50% or more of my working hours on INGs that are 8’s, 9’s or 10’s within six months?

You should also consider: “If I say ‘yes’ to the decision in front of me, will I be more likely or less likely to achieve my A.C.E. Challenge, my top juicy priority for the coming quarter that I have decided is the most important part of my “work in the world” to advance this quarter in order to realize my three-year BIG picture vision of success?”

Copyright. The Sparks Center. 2018-2020. All rights reserved.