What To Do When You’re in a Low State of Spark

One of the people I coach just reached out to me and said “I feel so tired today and like I am not getting anything done.”

I said “would you say your spark number is somewhere between a 3 and a 5?”

She said “yes.”

I asked “do you feel open right now to me offering you directive suggestions?” She said “I’m open.” At the end of our 12 minute call I noted that I had offered 12 very specific steps. I realized that some of what I shared might be quite useful to others, so I am writing them up here, almost in the order you should take the steps!

1. BREATHE

Any time you have the self-awareness to realize that you are in a low spark state the very first thing you should do is take three slow, deep breaths.

2. PAUSE

Shut your mouth and realize that you are at high risk for making things worse by saying the wrong thing to someone else or to yourself. Try to “wait for the eight.”

3. REMEMBER THAT STORY MATERIAL MATTERS

Go back to sparky basics by reminding yourself that by definition – you are experiencing Story Material right now and your job in that regard is to notice details. Instead of trying to push away or “just get through” difficult feelings/experiences, pay enough attention to whatever comes up that you would be able to identify three specific details of the experience at the end of the week. How do you feel? What is distinctive in this moment? Write down three details. This can sometimes help shift your perspective. You might well, however, NOT be able to find your sense of perspective, let alone humor, so don’t get down on yourself.

4. RE-IGNITE YOUR PILOT LIGHT

Nap if you can, drink water, eat a bite of food and look at your own list of “Pilot Lighters” —  the things you recognize you need just to be able to function properly (these are not “high INGs” or sources of GLEE or anything like that). Might you need a few minutes alone? Maybe you have to pee? Can you step outdoors to feel fresh air on your face for a minute?

5. SPARKBOOST

Find your “SparkBoosters” list of activities that, based on past experience, can often lift your spark 1-3 points in under ten minutes. Hopefully, you keep that list at the ready because I always remind you that should not only make such a list but keep it with you or somewhere you can find it immediately when you need it – as soon as you have the awareness that your spark has dropped below a 7! J Read through it and choose the activity that would be most easily available to you and like something you could actually imagine doing given your state of mind and the circumstances of your moment. This may be out of reach for you, but when you feel a momentary opening like you might be able to do it … try to play. If I can reach my buddy Joel and hit a little blue rubber beach tennis ball with him back and forth 33 times or more, I can almost always get my spark to an eight within five minutes. Do you have something like that?

6. REMEMBER “3 GLEE VISION”

Immediately be gentle on yourself by lowering your expectations of yourself and your day and remembering that to make this – or any — particular day be “enough,” you really just have to find/co-create and write down three sparky moments somewhere in the day.

This might involve being intentional about choosing to prioritize an activity somewhere in the day that would likely give you one of your Fuel Sources, even if you perceive that you “don’t have the time.” There are people who can SparkSurf even when they’re at at a 3. I find that works for me about half the time but the rest of the time, I know I don’t even feel up to trying to do that and I try to forgive myself for that and just accept that this is how it is right now.

7. LOOK AND LISTEN FOR PSTs!

Keep your ears and eyes open for Possible Story Titles—the distinctive words or phrases that cross your path like little gifts. This is still within reach for most people, even when they are in a low spark state.

8. GATHER DATA

See if there is anything you can learn from the experience. Any actionable insights here? For example, you are dragging today after having had three glasses of wine last night?

9. SPARKSURF

Check your Good Life Index and re-aim at the prospect of creating GLEE out of whatever comes but realistically this means figuring out if one, two or maybe three of your Fuel Sources on your GLI might be available to you sometime during the course of your day given what you have planned.

10. SPARKSPEAK

Don’t judge yourself, but if you are able to … try to speak to someone else or record a voice memo about the most recent moment of your day that was good, before you complain or speak about COVID or politics.

11. BEST SELF

See if you can get back to a six and THEN at that point, consider if it might be possible for you to conjure  your Best Self

12. SPARK IT FORWARD

If you can bring yourself to do so, remember that “Sparking it forward each day helps keep the blues away.” That is, try to get outside yourself/out of your own head at least once to try to help someone else grow their spark. For some people this can work when you are at a 2 or 3 but I find it very hard to “open the door” until I am at least at a 4. Sometimes I push myself to do it even when at a 3 (I did so this very morning). I have never regretted trying and usually succeed – when I remember to attempt this!

Remember that you get a New Beginning tomorrow. Don’t worry so much!

Spark On!